Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
