I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
