AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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