I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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