Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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