we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
