woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
