you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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