This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The power of my boobs compel you
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
