I swear she didn't look like that last week.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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