fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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