Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
