He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
