Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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