I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
