he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
