How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
