Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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