I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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