I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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