Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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