Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
