goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
