He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
we're so committed to being not committed
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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