my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
