I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
