if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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