There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
