i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
