dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
