i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You are the jesus of drinking
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize