i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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