so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize