I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Randomize
