Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
