the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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