You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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