Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
