had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I am mentally ready for anal.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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