Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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