Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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