I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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