I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
