I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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