tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
