I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
