You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
