he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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