Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
