haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
