This dress was meant to end up on your floor
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
