If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
