I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
