but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
