i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
