I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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