I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
