somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we're making bets on your personal life
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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