Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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