He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Randomize