The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
