She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
