oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You are a genius and a whore.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
