Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think your dad took our porno
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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