My brain says no but my pants say off.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Randomize
