allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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