They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
