I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
