Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize