Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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