Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
