I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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