oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
