I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
