woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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