Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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