I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i will never coherently bang her
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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