i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
