the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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