You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize