this just has baby written all over it
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
