I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
