The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize