I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
