I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
