Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
