Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize