I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
