Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
