Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
