she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
