we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I wear drunk well.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
