Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
