What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
