I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
