i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize