my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
