She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
