The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
