If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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