awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
