**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Less talking, more tequila
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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