rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
