we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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