Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
