Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
They took my balls.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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