Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
