So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
