The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
