If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
