Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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