Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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