I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize